just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
