So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
