weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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