This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize