I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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