I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
