Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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