it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
