dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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