I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
