Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
