My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
