If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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