Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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