just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
