She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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