You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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