Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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