So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she told me i tasted like america
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
