Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
