Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
