No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think your dad took our porno
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
