In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
