Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
