Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
As shirtless as possible
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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