Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
