Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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