i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I didn't notice because vodka
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
