It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
