Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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