"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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