just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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