Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
