He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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