my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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