I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
