South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
