Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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