His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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