i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
