How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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