it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
