so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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