I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
