quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
In America we eat man semen.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
