Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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