I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
