My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
