Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
