I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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