used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
