two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
These tits shall not be calmed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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