allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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