she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
