just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
