...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
