Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
