if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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