What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
