I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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