Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
