yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
