ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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