He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize