the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
