So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
