think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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