note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
