We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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