If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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