Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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