Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
