his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
