She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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