Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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